Stef here,
A word to all my single friends.
Being a Single Christian Woman: Blessing or Burden?
As a young Christian woman, I’ve recently become very interested in the writings of Leslie Ludy, a bestselling Christian author who is passionate about reaching young women with the message of Jesus Christ. Her writings often reflect upon issues that I deal with in my faith journey and help me to discover how I can live a life that’s more centered in Christ.As I was skimming through the different reflections, blogs and articles that appear on Ludy’s website, I came across something in the Q&A section that really hit home for me. A girl wrote to Ludy asking for advice, saying that she’s a college sophomore and has never been in a serious relationship (which I could immediately relate to, since I’m a rising college junior in the same situation). The girl wrote about her frustration about the fact that our culture, even Christian culture, places a great deal of emphasis on relationships. She mentioned that she has prayed to God, asking Him to “write her love story” (as I have), but she has faced an incredible amount of pressure from her Christian community towards a relationship and ultimately marriage.Girls are praised when they have found their dream man, but when they still have yet to find “Prince Charming,” they are told that God will one day place a man in their lives — as if the sole purpose of their lives is to get married. The letter-writer asked Ludy how to respond to people who keep emphasizing the need for her to have a man in her life without sounding jealous or bitter.
In her response to the writer, Ludy agreed that Christian communities tend to be very unsupportive of single women. Often, the very people who should be inspiring them to live a life completely devoted to Christ are the ones who severely lower their self-esteem, leading them to believe that they need a marriage to be complete. For single women, unfortunately, a Christian community often presents a source of discouragement instead of encouragement.
Sometimes, the emphasis Christian communities place on marriage is so great that the single life is harshly condemned as sinful. Ludy quotes a book entitled Getting Serious About Getting Married – Rethinking the Gift of Singleness that says:
WOW. If this is true, it means that there is no way for a woman to glorify God other than getting married, her so-called “duty.” I agree with Ludy in her disagreement with this view. As Ludy pointed out, this message leads many Christian women to settle for men who are mediocre and self-centered, just so they can supposedly fulfill God’s will.
As Ludy pointed out, single women should not let their lives be consumed by their perceived “need” to find a man. All that a woman should be concerned with is devoting her life to Jesus Christ and serving Him faithfully. Upon reading this, I thought of the words of a song by John Waller called “While I’m Waiting.” Here are the lyrics to the chorus:
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting I will serve You
While I’m waiting I will worship
While I’m waiting I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait.
While a woman is waiting to find the man of her dreams, she should not fall into a slump of misery. Her heart should be enlivened and she should grow deeper in her relationship with God. If she happens to fall in love with a man, oh how lucky that man will be to find a woman who is so devoted to living her life for the Lord. If she does not, that’s fine too, because her relationship with God is enough for her and provides the eternal fulfillment that no human relationship can.
When a woman’s eyes are solely focused on receiving the applause of Heaven, and no one or nothing else — not even the Church community, they will develop a different feeling about their singleness, one that is joyful rather than bitter.
Ludy’s words truly inspired me and helped me to reevaluate my singleness as a blessing rather than a burden. My singleness is a journey, not some sort of trapped prison. It’s a journey of growing in my trust of the Lord and believing that He has a plan for me — and whether it be single or married life, it won’t matter. On my journey of singleness, I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience.
Do you believe singleness is a blessing or a burden for a young woman? Do you think the Christian Church often places too much emphasis on marriage for women? If you’re a single Christian woman, how do you deal with the sometimes excess pressure towards married life?
negooning 